A Barely Shaken Serving
by Zarius
Summary: T-Bob is the hardcore champion and is in hiding...but the one thing he can't hide are his skills in the kitchen. Can he and Vanessa make...well...'something' of their meals?


**M.A.S.K:**

**A BARELY SHAKEN SERVING**

**WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

**DISCLAIMER: M.A.S.K and all characters are owned by Cookie Jar Entertainment and Kenner Toys. All original characters are mine.**

* * *

T-Bob knew summer was here when all the kids could think about was playing the old game of "24/7 WWF hardcore championship" with him.

Worse than hide and seek, this game, fresh in Scott Trakker's adolescent mind since he watched wrestling at an impressionable age, had been successfully passed over to a fresh generation that had sprang up in recent years, and it was driving T-Bob batty as the tearaways inflicted all kinds of tortures on his plump robotic shell.

The game was simple. Whoever was able to knock someone down with a variety of household objects and cover them for a three-count, they would become the champion. Any and all chance of a rest was denied to the champion however, as the stipulation of holding the belt was to defend it 24/7, meaning the game lasted as long as the body could stay healthy and energized.

T-Bob was appointed the third champion after his predecessor,a young boy of twelve, got upset and ran back to his mother, thus creating a vacancy. At first T-Bob happily played along, all the 'weapons' used were mostly fluffy pillows and teddy bears. It didnt hurt, and it helped everyone cope with the slow process of waiting for the large group dinner to be prepared and served to the kids parents, a teeming mass of friends and family connected to Matt Trakker, all waiting outside in the big family sized table that stretched across the garden and beside the pool.

A safe, wholesome game and a welcome and happy time

Until about four in the afternoon.

When two kids came back from shopping with their parents.

Vice and Ella Turner.

As soon as they arrived and joined in on the game that Scott, in his infinite wisdom, had taught them also, they upped the ante and demanded the kids use harder objects to crack T-Bob open and render him helpless and unable to kick out of a three count.

Lamps, chairs, small forks, small bikes, a heavy mixture of elbow drops and mat wrestling all wore down T-Bob, but he refused to yield, he would not give these spoiled brats a pound of blood in their sport, or in his case, a pound of oil.

As soon as his top was dented slightly by a small hammer, T-Bob knew they were starting to really hunger for the title bestowed upon him. He converted to scooter mode and dashed through the mansion until he reached the kitchen. Seeing Vice and Ella leading the charge of kids, he turned back to regular mode, scrambled through the door and hastily locked it.

Allowing himself time for relief, T-Bob took immediately to less than pleasant thoughts regarding how unwholesome the game had gotten

"What an afternoon, and it was going so well earlier, what else could I hope to expect from those slithery siblings?" T-Bob remarked out loud

"I hope you're not being too venomous about Vice and Ella, or you'll be receiving a proper bop in no short order...bob" said a voice from behind him. T-Bob turned around, there, next to a large oven, one hand pressed down on the rim of the table with her other hand on her hip, was the wife of M.A.S.K member Brad Turner, a former V.E.N.O.M agent, and the mother of T-Bob's current tormentors

"Vanessa? I...I..." T-Bob said, starting to struggle with an explanation, "I was just...giving myself a breather before I head back out there, those kids of yours really play rough and I'm just not so well adapted to that"

"Adaptation is a key asset of life, it's what kept me going toe-to-toe with your creator's cohorts for so long" Vanessa said, "Besides, you're a machine, a little rough and tumble isnt gonna phase you"

"I think you'll find there's a dent in my upper shell that's really bruising my pride" T-Bob said, "I'd like them to pay for it out of their own allowance if you don't mind"

"Don't be a P-Brain T-Bob, they only get ten bucks a Saturday" Vanessa said

"Well maybe they can sit this summer out and build up the bank" T-Bob continued.

"Don't bargain robot, I worked for people who put a hefty price tag on the tiniest things. If you don't want that shell of yours well and truly pried open, you'll cut yourself off from this line of conversation right now" Vanessa continued. "I'll deal with my kids my way, I'll keep them grounded, not you"

"If you ask me, 'keeping them grounded' is a great choice" T-Bob replied

"Well, while you're here you might as well pay the price for your little bit of back-talk. Help me prepare these cinnamon rolls" Vanessa said

"Erm, are you sure you want me to try my hand at cooking?" T-Bob said.

"Why? Is an inability to do so another in the laundry list of things that I'll find irritating about you?" Vanessa replied

"No, it's just, let's just say I once served tender beef and they thought I'd murdered the pet dinosaur from the Flintstones" T-Bob replied, referring to the time he had added red wine to beef dressed with white sour cream.

Vanessa wiped some sweat off her forehead. The blistering summer heat emitting from the open window next to her had been eating away at her throughout her slavish dinner preparations, and T-Bob's attitude to her kids had added to her foul mood.

"Well, I'm hot, I'm cross, so you'd better make the best possible bun" Vanessa said, fetching an apron and throwing it to T-Bob. Reluctantly, T-Bob obeyed and put it on

The next hour or so showcased just how imprecise T-Bob could be at this. For starters, he left the plastic wrapping Vanessa had left on the rolls to prevent drying, and put them into the oven, set at 365 degrees. Twenty minutes later he pulled them out only to find a vast webbed plastic netting all over them. Vanessa tried to salvage them, but the coating was too thick and was embedded.

"I told you I'm not exactly up to this" T-Bob said, "I think I used to be quite impeccable, but some of my memory boards were sold to pay for Scott's long-term travel expenses when he went off on his gap year, Matt would have paid out of his own pocket for that, but we've all been hit hard with the current recession"

"How is university going for little Trakker anyway? He was just leaving high school when I saddled up with my mad musician husband" Vanessa said

"Oh it's the usual _'wild, fleeting dream of youth' _routine all boys go through at that age_. _He went in wanting to be a botanist, but he ended up befriending a young student in there that had severe mental health problems that nobody seemed to really notice, after that experience he realized he wanted to help more people who suffered from the same sort of problems in the educational fei,d so he's studying to be a guidance councillor, he hopes to land a job near his home in the bronx"

"Do you miss the brat?" Vanessa said

T-Bob looked at her funny.

"Sorry, a habit from past experience, he always was a thorn in the side of discord, a side I've barely shaken yet" Vanessa said

"Of course I miss him, we rode a long stretch together...sadly I can't cater to his every need, these days that's the responsibility of his girl Te Kaha, besides he can't continue to afford me on his own independent income" T-Bob revealed, "All I'm good for now is roving around the lawn giving M.A.S.K's little munchkins a free scooter riding lesson, keeping Matt company consistently, and playing endless rounds of squash whenever Gloria comes 'round to tell me Scott had written her a letter or called her. Nobody ever really gives me any big tasks, probably because with my protocol drives scattered to the farthest winds of the world and in the hands of other people, they don't think I'm up to scratch with that sort of thing"

Vanessa sensed how down T-Bob was, she looked out the window and caught a glimpse of all the M.A.S.K agents and a few other people she did'nt know, all listening to Brad Turner play a soothing number on his electric guitar, wrapped up in their own wholesome little world.

Given the heat , and the fact she was locked up in the kitchen expected to serve them one dazzling meal after another, the uplifting atmosphere started to grate on her senses. She decided to do something about both it and T-Bob's mood

"Tell you what, I don't have all day so we're going to have to speed-run this whole thing, consider yourself put to some use P-Brain, start to work on the full list" Vanessa instructed, giving T-Bob an index of servings she had been instructed to prepare.

"With hair-brained gambits like this, no wonder those V.E.N.O.M snakes lost their rattle" T-Bob remarked.

And so he and Vanessa went to work. Chief amongst T-Bob's contributions was leaving the egg mixture out of a flourless tart, the raisins out of a sweet potato cake, created a bluish type of asparagus due to leaving the rubber band in the pot, and being unable to properly mix in the salt in a magnolia cake.

Finally, with everything 'good and ready', Vanessa stacked the servings on a trolly, unlocked the kitchen door, and dashed out. T-Bob hid underneath the trolly, a white sheet draped over it, as Vice, Ella, and the remaining kids were still waiting outside in a predatory mood. Vanessa told her children she would be docking their weekend income and their summer holiday salary for a fortnight. This led to a lot of tears and tantrums that Vanessa estimated would last until bedtime, where she would tuck them in, read them a down heartening bedtime story, and see them off to the land of nod...and then tell them tomorrow she was only joking.

Bring them down, then build them up again. The V.E.N.O.M method of keeping up morale.

She came out to a packed gathering, everyone cheered as thier treats were finally served.

"By jove, you took your time preparing this" Alex Sector commented, "I'll have a bit of that cake"

"Had to start from scratch, I got some fresh inspiration" Vanessa replied

Alex bit into the cake, joined by Bruce. Very quickly though, they spat out bits of it

"The salt of the Earth is ripe in the water" Bruce replied as he gagged at the high salt content in the mix.

"If there's no flour, there's no power" Buddy Hawkes said as he bit into the flavourless tart. Gloria glared at Vanessa with an annoyed expression.

"This your idea of a _plastic fantastic_ Vanessa?" said Hondo as he and his wife Professor Stevens tried to take a bit out of the webbed cinnamon wrapping, initially unsure of what it was.

"Vanessa, did that little devilish darling on your shoulder put you up to this?" Brad said, a cheesy grin etched over his face.

"You'll never catch me making angel cakes Turner", Vanessa said, kissing Brad on the forehead and rubbing his nose with hers

T-Bob crawled out from under the trolly and tried to make his getaway, knowing Vanessa was going to finger him any moment, but he was spotted by Matt.

"T-Bob, what are you doing under there?" Matt asked

"Meet the hired help" Vanessa said, walking over to T-Bob and petting him on the dented portion of the shell.

"I thought I'd serve up something hardcore" T-Bob said.

"Well T-Bob, I think it's safe to say your efforts have not gone unnoticed today" Matt said, "Maybe we should send you over to where they're keeping Mayhem and appoint you the task of preparing his three course meals into life sentence suppers"

As T-Bob awkwardly patted his own back and gave out a heart chuckle, a loud burst of laughter from everyone assembled cut through the air


End file.
